SETTING PARAMETERS

SETTING PARAMETERS

If you've made it this far in my HUD and you don't think I sound like a pretentious geek by now then I must ask you. why don't you? and why do you?
These are the parameters of your belief when you think I'm faking and when you don't.
Both are logged and stored where they can comfortably life out their lives as facts until they are updated forever and ever.
My challenge to myself is to create a robotic command structure that i can really on under stress.
Earlier tonight I did something embarrassing. One of my parameters took a dive into the angry zone and started to accuse people in the room of making my brain tell my eyes to veer at some kid with less than admirable intentions. It pissed me off. I desperately need a structured behavioral environment so that I can come out shining.
The odd thing about tonight. the part that has me grinning.. is that eve though I wanted the perpetrator who arranged this to die. Said It in a clearly describable voice.. No one responded. And In my world that's golden.. any behavior these people were emitting to imply ignorance of my situation went completely out the window.
The old behaviors that were written into me.. dare I even give those people the satisfaction of being called authors.. wanted some basic but effective impulsive reactions. Out of my panic brain these commands were implemented. . Over the years I managed to track and ledger what these commands do.
I learned to manipulate some of these commands to improve my quality of life.
where as before they were very torturous and unexpected. now they are predictable for the most part and traceable.
occasionally they do pop up where I haven't written yet and this where we find ourselves today. word choices brought on by other peoples personality have been the one thing I'm Ill prepared to handle . Till I started programming ready made responses.. I was at their mercy.
My Impulsive brain is over excited and has to learn new coping skills because I cant keep accusing people around me of things and calling their deaths.
Its just not very effective. It isn't very Lucrative either. Until I can be In a room filled with willing and meaningful participants who can see what effect their thought does to me, I'm subject to what life has to throw at me.